Mr. Speek­er, the preznit!

Watch­ing on ABC. Stephanopou­los sez el Busho not pop­u­lar. Will go dou­ble or noth­ing. So does that mean if we don’t suc­ceed in Iran like we did in Iraq, we’ll give up in both.

Ter­ry Moran: (Faun­ing­ly) Bush loves this like a pig in shit.

Applause

Pur­ple fin­gers for Iraq.

Health, grow­ing econ­o­my, coun­try a force for good in world. Now approve my torturemeister.

Secu­ri­ty pur­chased by parents.

“A lot of grey, heh.”

Let’s gut social security.

“Let us do what Amer­i­cans have always done, screw the future for the present.”

McCain has fall­en asleep.

2.3 mil­lion new jobs, almost as many as we lost. Nation is grate­ful for the rich­er rich people.

Now stop spend­ing so much. I hate how much we’re spending. 

Deficit in half, for appro­pri­ate def­i­n­i­tions of half.

Elim­i­nate inef­fec­tive depart­ments. Like CIA. Spend mon­ey wise­ly or not at all.

Looks at Ker­ry, mouths “Bitch, this is all mine.”

Applause

Every high school diplo­ma a tick­et to suc­cess. Ms. TfK “Yeah right”

Big­ger Pell grants. He keeps say­ing that, but it nev­er happens.

End junk law suits. Lieber­man looks smug. Asbestos reform. 

Bet­ter health care, Dems clap over preznit. Repubs say, that’s our boy you’re applauding.

Also some wonk­ish stuff, and mal­prac­tice reform.

More nucu­lar things. Plus that hydro­gen shit I talked about eons ago.

That’s just the begin­ning of duty. Need bet­ter tax code. Also to rob me of my Social Security.

Tem­po­rary work­er per­mits. Some­one gave him his SOTU from two years ago by acci­dent, he just did­n’t notice.

Social Secu­ri­ty is soooo 20th cen­tu­ry. The 21st cen­tu­ry is when we make shit up. Must strength­en and save Social Secu­ri­ty. Dems say, “I’m listening”

Any­one over 55 will get paid, every­one else is screwed.

No, you might be screwed. SS is decades old, from when peo­ple died. Now they don’t so it’s a whole big thing.

2018, SS stops mak­ing a prof­it. 2042, sys­tem bank­rupt, Dems say “Bull­shit” Good doggies.

Par­ents very wor­ried about kids’ retire­ment. No, I’m wor­ried about my par­ents’ retirement. 

I’ll lis­ten to any­one with good ideas, for appro­pri­ate def­i­n­i­tion of “good.”

Ms. TfK “Flip-flop­per”

Best thing is volu­tary per­son­al retire­ment accounts. I have two, an IRA and a Roth IRA. What’s your point? 

Ah, you mean pri­va­ti­za­tion. Now comes the fuzzy math. The part that offers no insurance.

Govt not source of val­ues, but should­n’t under­mine mar­riage. So dis­crim­i­nate against gay people.

Need cul­ture of life. Thanks for increas­ing NIH fund­ing. Also, pre­vent effec­tive research, and sell­ing human life. Please pass the 13th amendment. 

Judges, stop leg­is­lat­ing from bench. I won’t let them, I leg­is­late from the Oval Office, that’s why this SOTU is the same as the last 4.

Show a cul­ture that rejects vio­lence. Remove troops from Iraq.

No, it’s just that Lau­ra is going to go all Eliot Ness on the Crips and Bloods.

Reau­tho­rize Ryan White Act. Update it to cit­i­zens with most infec­tions, African Amer­i­cans. Also, make jus­tice fair­er, so approve my tor­tur­ing AG. No, use more DNA.

Spe­cial train­ing for death penal­ty cas­es. Good if true. As with all that Bush proposals.

Safe from peace and pro­tect­ed by dan­ger. No, vice versa.

Pro­tect the Volk in der Heimland.

Give Rum­my tools for vic­to­ry over whoever.

Afghanistan has lots of coun­tries. Iraq has 28 coun­tries, 27, 26 …

Nucu­lar ambi­tions. Invade North Korea, they could be all nucu­lar. Let’s build mas­sive coali­tions, like the one that invad­ed Iraq.

Need more free­dom. Com­put­er says: Error, insuf­fi­cient freedom.

End tyran­ny in Guan­tanamo Texas Iran 

Chick from Afghanistan with inky fingers.

In com­ing years, will add to sto­ry of Iraq, Afghanistan and Palestine.

Con­di to meet w/ Sharon and Abbas, give advice on Democ­ra­cy. (Con­di: It’s a bad idea. What would hap­pen if I let my hair choose for itself? Crazi­ness. Give every­one gel.)

Maybe Syr­ia is trou­ble, should we invade? But Iran is pret­ty nasty too, and we stand with the Iraqi peo­ple, just like we stand with the Iraqis.

Finite num­ber of ter­ror­ists. Bush: “Let the kill sol­diers in Iraq to keep us safe.”

Blu­u­u­u­u­u­u­ue fingers

“Hear­ing those explo­sions, those insur­gents are weak, they fear democ­ra­cy. So I took my fam­i­ly into the kill zone.” Respect the Iraqis.

We do, we have some ques­tions about you, Generalissimo.

Lau­ra Bush claps like a pen­guin, and Sofia is scared shit­less. I’d be too.

Whole world knows extrem­ists won’t over­turn Iraqi peo­ple’s will. That’s our job.

Allawi: Let our peo­ple die for our peo­ple. OK.

New phase to begin. Pulling out. No, sup­port­ing “Iraqi secu­ri­ty forces.” They’ll become self-suf­fi­cient. We will help ensure Iraqi free­dom, one of these days.

Mil­i­tary strat­e­gy adapts, plan doesn’t.

In Iraq to get a result. When that result achieved, sol­diers come back. Also when they die, or when stop-loss orders end. Oth­er­wise never.

Sol­diers make Amer­i­ca proud. Pres­i­dents tend not to.

Make injured sol­diers bet­ter. Sounds good. Will that hap­pen before or after you make tax cuts per­ma­nent. Will you pass up pri­va­tiz­ing Soc. Sec. for that goal?

Free­dom changes world. So does force.

Dreams, end slav­ery, free Europe, .. bring freedom. 

God bless stuff.

That seemed short, most­ly because he did­n’t actu­al­ly pro­pose any­thing inter­est­ing or new. This was a rerun of the 2002 SOTU. Lieber­man get s a smooch.

Chills with Frist.