Kansas Guild of Bloggers: The recipe file
Every few weeks, we gather the finest of Kansan and Kansas related bloggery. This week, a series of recipes.
Modern science: Drop an apple on Isaac Newton, wait until he realizes that the laws of nature apply to the whole universe. Use those laws to fly missions around the Moon, as described by Paul Decelles, and to produce cover art for one of rock’s greatest albums.
Brussels Cockaigne: Wash and cut in half a dozen of honorary Kansan Bill Farrell’s brussels sprouts. In a skillet, brown a couple cloves of garlic in a couple tablespoons of butter and an equal amount of olive oil. Remove the garlic, and place the cut sides of the sprouts in the oil. Cover and cook over low heat for 15 minutes. When tender, remove them and enjoy.
A black, hairy tongue: Take one normal tongue, like Emaw’s, add certain bacteria or yeast. Wait while they deposit porphyrins in the tongue’s papillae. Seek medical attention.
An energy budget: Begin by setting aside some savings for emergencies, like The Prince of Thrift suggests. Then consider signing up for level payments, rather than monthly payments. Also, consider wearing a sweater and lowering your thermostat, especially when no one is home. Thermostats with timers that automatically raise the temperature before you get home and after you are warm under the covers are cheap, too. Modern furnaces are also much more efficient than those made 10 years ago. Consider upgrading.
Paranoid security theater: Place one box next to the road. Let the Unholy Moses chronicle the hijinx.
Disaster: Place one flip-flopping authoritarian “CroMagCon” in charge of the Kansas Republican Party.
Alternate recipe for disaster: Name political hack to be District Attorney. Let him go to court to defend firing existing staff for replacement with political cronies.
Second alternate: Elect flip-flopping authoritarian Sam Brownback for President.
Ending a disaster: Put courageous citizens, like those described at Hope and Politics, in power.
A Good Son: Aside from the fascinating biology involved in producing a male child, you have to mix back surgery and Blog Meridian’s willingness to come home and lift “anything heavier than a six-pack.”
Energo-Fascism a la Tom Hull: Combine a limited energy source with an entrenched political elite. Beat until fluffy. Continue beating until stiff peaks form. Beat again until the mixture collapses.
An understanding of string theory: Take one physicist and one educator, kneed and bake until a toothpick comes out clean. Surround with an audience of educated adults, including Red State Rabble. Listen carefully.
Antipathy to homophobes: Take a moderate church, remove minister and replace with Fred Phelps. Allow him to abuse his children and use the church as a tax shelter. Watch him protest at funerals for murdered children and soldiers. Make a film like that described at Evolving in Kansas and distribute widely.
Controversy: Begin with pristine native prairie, like Peg’s Smoky Hills. Add high energy costs and high, reliable wind speeds over that prairie.
Alternate recipe: Combine politicians, agricultural subsidies, high energy costs and growing demand for change. Join Prairie Weather in watching politicians try to solve energy problems by converting more corn than we could possibly grow into ethanol, when energy efficient technology already exists.
Misunderstanding: Combine overheated rhetoric about religion with the complex realities of religious moderates, as described by Bruce. Whip into a frenzy.
Cervical cancer: Begin with young girls. Refuse to make HPV vaccines mandatory, as I suggested. Accuse anyone who gets HPV of being “irresponsible” and of not coming from “good homes.” While waiting several decades, build coffins.