Via Jesus’ General, I learn that any possible hypothesis that I could possibly be innocent, or that I could conceivably get into heaven, is in fact incorrect. You can find out whether you are innocent by visiting needgod.com. Alas, that title is an assertion, not a question, and the quiz will not help you determine whether you actually “Need God,” just that the God they need is prepared to toss everyone into Hell.
I don’t like these people. The God they worship is a prick, and they tend to emulate him. While I usually question the wisdom of attributing gender to an incorporeal supernatural entity, I think it’s appropriate here.